Yesterday my lovely daughter threw a huuuuge tantrum. It was probably caused by lack of sleep during the sleep. I picked her up from the babysitting, first stop few meters away just because of the puddles. She loves puddles but then she wasn’t even interested in it anymore, just didn’t want to move in any direction. Answer to all my questions was “NO”. A random stranger stopped with a puppy. Wonderful! But then she wanted to follow the puppy in the direction oposite to the house. Fortunately neighbors were passing by with their 2 dogs and Eva was “walking the fofinhos” straight to our building. That’s where we’ve got stuck again as we had to split with the doggies .. I have managed to calmly bring her to our entrance, get in to the building and close the door just to see that Eva doesn’t want to go upstairs. I’ve tried all peaceful conversations, convincing to go up, even bribing with chocolate, screen time which she’s not allowed too often now, but nothing would move her from the 2nd step. I sat there with her and could see that something is up. She didn’t want o go home yet, she was close to tears but begnning to turn it into anger. Ì left her there and climbed the stairs to the 2nd floor. She came half the way and came downstairs not sure what to do. Finally we’ve managed, she was inside of our flat and then it started. Shouting, hitting the door, pulling my hair out, throwing things to the floor… Disastrous moments which make me very vulnerable and angry and hopeless as I have absolutely no idea where did it come from. It was not the first fight we had as she’s almost 3yo and each time I try to be better with this and calm her down. I was giving her space but also showing that I am there for her, saying that I understand her, that she is overwhelmed with emotions and if she needs she can express it now. I’ve tried to catch an eye contact with her. Told her to breathe in and out. She was shouting back that she won’t do it. But she did! And she did calm down! I was actually sooo amazed that it worked! I didn’t give into the fight and that was my first success. So later in the evening when Eva was already sleeping peacefully in her room I started reading a new book. It was reccomended by one of my best friends and it is available in Legimi.pl offer, our polish on-line library which I used for years and cherish deeply.
SELF-REG by DR Stuart Shanker
So what’s amazing is that even the first chapter of this book relates to my yesterday’s situation. Basically what I understand is that there is a huge pressure from the old generation to teach our kids rules and most behaviors, like Eva’s yesterday, are being seen as inappropriate and should be punnished. I don’t want to believe it. It all comes from something and in this book so far I read that there are plenty of small things that can irritate or stress both us as parents and our children. It can be something so small like the sounds or light or a smell, absolutely anything in our lives can make us all anxious. The true work starts when we want to learn what is it for our children and for us, eliminate it or reduce to make our lives much better and allow growth and education, equally emotional and intellectual.
Will continue reading an hopefully will learn something about myself. Wanted to share with you. Have a Good Day 🙂
Jojo's Adventures 