Yet…. Somehow We keep finding a way to reach out, stretch arms a little further, catch first small part of our broken selves, then repeat with the second, and further…. and glue it together. Piece by piece.
If we would be able to see ourselves from the distance, we would notice the full mosaic of a completely different energy, we would find out that we will never be the same again. Rebuild into the new, extremely powerful source of power and vibration, we continue to learn, step by step passing through the tropical forest of Life, grateful for every Adventure and Lesson, as it leads to knowledge and growth.
We greet the sunlight, salute to the thunder, dream with the moon and shout out to the tornados.
Can You Imagine that there are still people who know only the old version of us?
The past keeps the memory but since our vibration changes, so our surroundings do. With each breath we discover insights and outside of the new creation of the universe called our life. This one is a true gift, a blessing. To feel, to be and discover. Beautiful artistic panorama of colorful emotions.
And the pain. Once You understand it’s a necessity to feel pain, which is a guidance, you learn to accept it and Use it as a tool. It’s a guide to our next lesson, next step, next page. I’m Grateful Today. All my glued pieces back together in a New Art Experience.
Plenty of topics touched but what I would like to focus on is this question:
How do you deal with a loss when a person you have lost didn’t die?
It cought my attention because of my personal experiences. We live in a sosiety which doesn’t really prepare us for any type of loss. We tend to believe that whenever somebody is leaving our life it’s an ethernal loss, unchangable and crucial. We tend to fear the moment when this can happen (personally I have a huge fear of abandonment which started in my childchood). The question is WHY nobody teaches us how to deal with all the emotions when somebody is leaving?
There are also very different ways of leaving, the variety of departures is growing with each year, especially nowadays when you can basically ghost someone from one day to another. Plenty of times we don’t understand the reasons, the purpose nor the emptiness it all leaves inside of our hearts.
So maybe instead of focusing the empty spot the departure left behind we could try to open our minds a little bit, look on the situation from the higher ground and consider all the possibilities.
The Spirituality suggests that even when we die it is just a passage for our soul to a higher dimention, if we are all an energy, connected to one another, comming to the body to experience emotions, feel our senses for the short amount of time and learn a lesson that we have chosen to learn to ascend to a higher soul level. If this would be true we wouldn’t have to fear loss as there wouldn’t be any comming nor leaving, just being and exsisting, right here in this very moment and time would be irrelevan’t.
What I have learned recently, or acknowledged actually, is that through the years people where comming and going, and most of the times I had absolutely no idea how to overcome the pain it left me with. The time healed the wounds but memories remained. For my surprise some of the friends, partners or even clients where coming back, resurfacing after a long while but my persective and point of the view of the situation, our reltions, have changed already. It would be almost like the lesson learned gives you a peace inside. But it’s always, ALWAYS dependable on MY perception, acknoledgement and growth. It feels like no one is actually going anywhere if it is not the time for me to let them go. It is ME who MUST BE READY, either I am aware of that fact or not. The timing is always right for the higher self. If I have learned from it, and truly loved the lesson this particular human being was suppose to teach me, the Universe is able to move things around on my behalf. And that human being stays deeply inside, as a part of my heart and soul forever.
Shifting the perspective , changing my mindset and looking for answers – This is My way of dealing with a Loss.
Life Has it’s own Way of Showing Us the Truth About Intentions of Others
So here we are. Third week of isolation.
Fot. Source = ADOBE Stock
Just when I thought that we will finally be able to come back to the normal life, my Part of the Illness started. For the first time as a mother I felt unable to fully take care of my child. I knew this day would come but to be honest, you can never be prepared for this. So here comes the part When you put your pride in a pocket and ask for help. Except
I didn’t have to ask – My Friends were there for me This time and that’s Absolutely Amazing.
So Every Day My Child Would be Delivered to School, Picked up and drove back Home, I Was Delivered to the Hospital Twice, My shopping would be done and delivered to the Door as Even Climbing the Stairs to the Second Floor is a Huge Challenge.
And Then, Seeing All The Good in Those Wonderful People I am Extremely Grateful. But it Also Shows the Enormous Contrast in Actions of ‘So Called’ Friends, Who Just Pretend They Want to Help. Oh They Do Want but Just if It works With Their Schedule.
The Saddest Thing is that We get to confirm Who is Who in the moment When we Really Need That Help. And Life Shows You Who Truly Cares ❤️❤️
We are experiencing a very unexpected long isolation now due to the sickness of My Daughter. It is alright, normal they say at this age of hers. But “Normally” it doesn’t take so long. Nor is connected with complications. But it left us with each other for a long time, stuck in the apartment fighting each day for compromises and smiles through tears sometimes. I am learning how the World inside off her beautiful little head Looks Like. She shows Me Tons of Emotions, Feelings, like a palette of colors like a rainbow on a Snowflake ❄️
Why Frozen?
Because all the Outside World stopped for a moment.
This is very strange feeling. Feels like Elsa would use her magic powers to Freeze everything Outside and left only our Small House Active.
Good News is that it’s Very Warm inside. Bad News – there’s nowhere else to go.
This situation is also a reminder that we should always: Expect Unexpected, We Should Pause sometimes because if we Won’t our Bodies will eventually, but not when we won’t them to Pause.
Be Mindful, Grateful for this though, just like we are.
I Believe in a Freedom. Freedom of Choice, of Speech and Free Will. And that is such a great Gift.
One of My Days Off
So, if it is true that as a Soul, an Energy we Decide about the Lessons we Want to learns and then Decide about the Scenario of Our Life, then about the Body to Serve Us on our Journey – how powerful this Freedom is?
I used to believe, that things happen to us. As a child I have witnessed plenty of dramatic situations caused by an alcoholic society, by my drinking parents. I didn’t understand Why. But maybe that was the wrong question to ask?
Somehow I have found myself a pattern, a way to escape that Madness and Chaos surrounding Me at the time – when parents were fighting, bitting each other, screaming and not paying any attention to the horror me and my brother went through, I started to escape and walk. Walk for hours. I was just a child, the town was small but I walked until the tears stopped shedding, no more thoughts would appear in my head. Until I had the courage to go back home to check what’s left inside.
I used to think it is all my fault. And I believed that any moment might be the last one as the house we lived in could burn at night (due to irresponsible parents behavior). I used to Smile. Almost all the time, to hide what was really happening. Parents thought us to never talk about anything that happens in our house. To anyone, because it’s a shame.
Somehow the will to Survive was stronger than anyone expected. And I HAVE CHOSEN, as soon as it was possible, to CHANGE MY LIFE. Right Before I was 18 I told them, that I am moving out to the Capital of my country.
Before I’ve packed my bags for the 1st time, I still cherished the moment, every single day. I found a job to be able to pay for myself in a big city, what I’ve earned would last for 2 months only but I still wanted to try. So working and walking, knowing that soon I will change my environment, I payed attention to small beautiful things – like the mist sitting down on the field of corn before the sunrise.
That CHOICE changed my life, but was just the beginning of a long Journey.
I didn’t stay in that city, nor settled down in a country. I kept escaping my own fear, as I have in my childhood…
There were times when I had no roof over my head. Other times I had no Food to Eat. Plenty of Times I had to put my Pride aside and ask for help. Especially after my child was born. But Nobody said it is going to be easy. Still, it was Way better than going back to live with my Parents. I have Refused to go the ‘Easy’ way. I have listened to my intuition and CHOSE to fight.
Insta @jojopt84
And this is the HONEST TRUTH – You CANNOT Run Away Forever nor ESCAPE FROM YOUR FEAR. The only way to fix something is to CONFRONT IT. Which basically means we must MAKE A DECISION TO FIGHT OUR OWN MIND. Why mind you would ask?
Because, unfortunately, years of running have transformed into a pattern. But what if that pattern no longer serves our goals?
I have that pattern to ‘forget about it for a moment’ and then procrastinate until it fixes itself. It doesn’t fix itself…
You Are Free to Choose Your Way. Which one Sounds Better 4 U? Choose Your Hard.
I believe in Freedom – Can You Imagine that we put ourselves in cages, and it all happens inside of our mind? But, the person who holds the key to the cage is YOU!
So many of my friends don’t want to be free. They choose to stay in a victim mode. Why? Is it really so much easier not to move, to stay in a paralyzed “play dead” biological state that serves animals to survive in the jungle?
Our Jungle is different. And You know What? I refuse to only ‘SURVIVE’.
I am Happy to have a Free Will to CHOOSE another Way.
I believe there is not even one person on Earth who hasn’t heard or felt those emotions, who hasn’t heard those words.
But It too many know that it is a trap. Conditioning relationships between people, no matter if it is a family bond, student- teacher relation, work environment or doctor – patient, is wrong. We should never be forced to even try to reach a goal created by anyone else. True Love has no expectations or conditions.
The Unconditional Love is first presented to us after birth. Our Parents give love and no matter what happens they will love us. Or at least that’s the model as we know in the modern world these situations sound like idyllic dream. But that’s how it should be. So when we are older and start our partnership with another soul and they disappoint Us, what do we do?
I have seen so many people chasing the golden carrot, trying desperately to accomplish unreachable and unreasonable. For what? It is not going to work. But it may teach us a lesson.
Train Yourself not to expect anything from anyone else than You.
Once You’ll cross that line there is no coming back, it is freedom and no one can take it away from you.
Yesterday my lovely daughter threw a huuuuge tantrum. It was probably caused by lack of sleep during the sleep. I picked her up from the babysitting, first stop few meters away just because of the puddles. She loves puddles but then she wasn’t even interested in it anymore, just didn’t want to move in any direction. Answer to all my questions was “NO”. A random stranger stopped with a puppy. Wonderful! But then she wanted to follow the puppy in the direction oposite to the house. Fortunately neighbors were passing by with their 2 dogs and Eva was “walking the fofinhos” straight to our building. That’s where we’ve got stuck again as we had to split with the doggies .. I have managed to calmly bring her to our entrance, get in to the building and close the door just to see that Eva doesn’t want to go upstairs. I’ve tried all peaceful conversations, convincing to go up, even bribing with chocolate, screen time which she’s not allowed too often now, but nothing would move her from the 2nd step. I sat there with her and could see that something is up. She didn’t want o go home yet, she was close to tears but begnning to turn it into anger. Ì left her there and climbed the stairs to the 2nd floor. She came half the way and came downstairs not sure what to do. Finally we’ve managed, she was inside of our flat and then it started. Shouting, hitting the door, pulling my hair out, throwing things to the floor… Disastrous moments which make me very vulnerable and angry and hopeless as I have absolutely no idea where did it come from. It was not the first fight we had as she’s almost 3yo and each time I try to be better with this and calm her down. I was giving her space but also showing that I am there for her, saying that I understand her, that she is overwhelmed with emotions and if she needs she can express it now. I’ve tried to catch an eye contact with her. Told her to breathe in and out. She was shouting back that she won’t do it. But she did! And she did calm down! I was actually sooo amazed that it worked! I didn’t give into the fight and that was my first success. So later in the evening when Eva was already sleeping peacefully in her room I started reading a new book. It was reccomended by one of my best friends and it is available in Legimi.pl offer, our polish on-line library which I used for years and cherish deeply.
SELF-REG by DR Stuart Shanker
Picture is taken from Google Search, Book is available on Amazon and in other online stores.
So what’s amazing is that even the first chapter of this book relates to my yesterday’s situation. Basically what I understand is that there is a huge pressure from the old generation to teach our kids rules and most behaviors, like Eva’s yesterday, are being seen as inappropriate and should be punnished. I don’t want to believe it. It all comes from something and in this book so far I read that there are plenty of small things that can irritate or stress both us as parents and our children. It can be something so small like the sounds or light or a smell, absolutely anything in our lives can make us all anxious. The true work starts when we want to learn what is it for our children and for us, eliminate it or reduce to make our lives much better and allow growth and education, equally emotional and intellectual.
Will continue reading an hopefully will learn something about myself. Wanted to share with you. Have a Good Day 🙂
Yesterday my friend had an anxiety attack in front of me. I have recognized it straight away because I used to deal with a lot of anxiety a year before and I had no idea how to resist it, block it or survive it.
I saw how her whole posture is changing, lips begin to move faster and eyes are filled with tears… Yoo know what’s happening there, inside of her head? She’s been drowning in fear, emotional chaos and too many thoughts at the same time. I was acting automatically and said to her everything I wish I’ve heard from someone a year ago.
Listen, take a deep breath and look around you, take another one and focus only on the air going in and out, in and out, look how many nice things are here – water, boats, oh look they’ve painted the branches and the smell of it is still noticeable! You’ve got it, you’re with me? Yes! So now think about what’s happening like this – in our heads there are boxes, box for this or that, one for work one for kids, one for sex, one for food etc. Every single moment during the day millions of thoughts appear in our head, triggered by situations and experiences. So this storm of thoughts is bombarding your head and heart and it needs to first be segregated by categorizing it to each box. Why are you crying? You’re afraid, ok, afraid of what? Name it! She told me her biggest fear and I understood it completely as it’s about somebody taking your kids away from you (topic for another big big post). So how we came from simple small thing to this? Because fear is unreasonable and makes things bigger than they are, especially problems! Ok, so you know your enemy. Is there anything you can do to avoid the worst? Yes! That’s good, focus on that. Go home, take a piece of paper and write down every single thing that ypu are afraid of and ask yourself a question – can I do anything about it? Yes – list the steps and start with one at a time. I promise you that every single one that will be accomplished will give you plenty of energy to tale another one towards your real goal. If the answer is no – then why do you spend so much of your energy and time on it. Instead try to accept this situation and maybe there’s another destiny for you.
I do understand that every single person is dealing with different situations and problems. Another friend of mine was waking up with anxiety, couldn’t sleep because of anxiety, was drinking everyday because of anxiety. Remember that there is alway a way out, alcohol, drugs etc are not fixing the problem, it’s like masking the tooth pain with a painkiller without actually fixing the main problem. There is no shame in asking for help. We are living in a very difficult times, especially now durong the pandemic. I put my shame in a pocket once my daughter was born. Ask for help if you need it. You have nothing to loose and plenty to gain. Like what? Like your life ❤
Basically this is all we have. My 2yo daughter fell asleep an hour ago which gives me and my fat cat Izzy time to breathe and sit in silence. Here we are, on a comfy couch, Lagos, Algarve, Portugal. I wasn’t born here, I never thought I would end up being isolated in a small T1 apartment on the end of Europe. Rainy day, the ocean is more or less calm, seagulls try to navigate in the strong wind. Birds are singing, cat snores and I think, overthink a bit. Anxiety comes and goes when you’re isolated. But it’s not a bad place to be after all, this small apartment. And I’m not alone. I remember a time when I isolated myself on purpose but for a very sad reason. I’ve decided to move to Portugal because in Warsaw, where I was living for 14 years I ended up being really depressed. Spending 14-15h in the office, coming back home just to drink myself to sleep, sober up and repeat. After a while your friends give up on you as you’re not answering any calls and skip all the meetings. Grey skies, grey buildings and slowly bad thoughts offer you very bad solutions. I knew that if I won’t change anything I will die. Why I write all of this? Because now I feel prepared for this situation. When you’re alone for too long and have access to the bottle it’s very easy to reach the bottom. I saved myself then and refuse to be a depressed cabbage now! Life has so much to offer, we must focus on NOW like tomorrow would not exist. One step at a time, and believe me you’re not alone in this. I have plenty of stories to tell. This is my first step ❤
Jojo's Adventures 